There are no words. Not even one...to try and explain how lucky I feel...how blessed Jenn and I are. Madi muscled her way through a tremendously difficult day a full year ago. I am still frightened out of my mind when I recall what that experience was like...the event was clearly necessary, but scary nonetheless. Now, I think back to the tears, the blank stares, the dreadful passing of time; I recall holding my tiny daughter's even tinier hand while she was in the PICU with chest tubes, IVs, and a large assortment of monitoring equipment that I am still unfamiliar with (and, I wouldn't mind never being acquainted with that environment again)...the memories still bring back tears - tears of fear AND tears of joy. Yes, I am babbling. Partly recalling memories that I have subconsciously repressed and also finding joy that I AM remembering a day that brought a new and profound sense of appreciation for life...not just "life" in general, but the most important kind...my daughter's life. For those families that have yet to put this type of day in their "rear view mirror," there is no way to sugar coat this experience...I will be the first to tell you that this is the most difficult thing that you will experience. However, take solace in the fact that we were also a family on pins and needles-a regular family just like yours. Worried. Emotional. Had nothing to hold onto but each other and a fistful of prayers. We got through the day. The first year. And, our beautiful Madi is thriving. Our prayers are with you as well...wherever you are and whoever you are.
Sweet Little Madi,
I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. How infinitely wonderful that I get to raise you and spend time with you. Watch you learn, grow, throw fits, laugh, smile, wave, hug me, kiss me, pat my back when I hold you and pat your back, make faces at me, light up when you see your beautiful mommy. Daddy is the luckiest daddy in the world...really. I am looking forward to all the years I get to spend with you and watch you grow, laugh, and live. Give thanks everyday because I always give thanks for you.